Dancing With Tears In My Eyes
by Alwaysgurl2013
Summary: True love is something everyone hopes to find at one point or another, but can true love be wrong for some people?
1. Dancing With Tears In My Eyes

Renesmee's POV

"To the barre girls," Madame Debois sternly spoke and all 11 of us quickly moved to the bar. "First position, and battement tendu, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. And pliés and one, two, three four." My feet move along with the counts. "Now I want to see some échappés." I turn to hold the barre and then continue with the exercise. "Christine, you must make your arms more rounded. You look so tense and a ballerina must make her arms look fluid and beautiful. Laura, your moves must be precise! You must know your moves, not waiting for Alexandra to show you what comes next. Megan, your ribbon is coming untied; go and fix that now. I never want to see that again." I continue my work as the blond in front of me moves quickly to retie her ribbons. Madame Debois comes over I can see her standing behind me watching for a moment. "Today, your échappés look good, Renesmee." A couple heads turn my way, so that they could see what Madame Debois wanted. "Look at your own feet girls." We continue for a few more moments until Madame Debois tells us to move to the center. "Tendu!" She says as classical music continues to play in the back ground. "Macy, you must point! I want to see point, not some sloppy foot work." She turns and glances around the classroom. "Add plié and then more tendu!" She watches and many of the girls are concentrating, hoping to get some encouragement as Madame Debois is not easily impressed. "Sarah, your upper body must be calm and unchanging while your feet and legs do the work. Let's move on to pirouettes, one by one." We all stand in a block type formation, and as Madame Debois stands in front of us we do a few pirouettes. "Talia, you must choose a focus point or else you will not have clean pirouettes." She watches the next girl. "Same for you Rebecca." She moves along and when she gets to me, I do five turns. "Looks like you practiced some Renesmee, last time you did three turns, now you are at five." She watches the last few girls. "Many of you need practice." A girl who is one of the younger ones in our class, I think her name is Elyse, looks down a little as she needs a bit more practice than many of us.

By the time our class is finished many of the other girls are exhausted. "Practice! That is what all of you need in one area or another. We may not have rehearsal for this weekend, but many of you need to practice still! I want improvement or some of you might be dropped to the lower class. So unless you want to be with the younger girls and not to be dancing en point, PRACTICE!" Almost everyone jumps a little at her outburst. "You are dismissed." Many of the girls run off towards the dressing room. My roommate Felicity turns to look at me, from the door.

"You coming Renesmee?" Her brown eyes look at me in a questioning way.

"In a moment." She continues towards the dressing room. I see Madame Debois turning off the stereo. "Madame Debois?"

"Yes Renesmee?"

"Will the studio be open if we want to come practice since there is no rehearsal?"

"Not that you need the practice Renesmee, but yes it will. I am glad at least one of my students is willing to put in the effort to be a ballerina."

"Thank you," I say before starting towards the dressing room.

"Oh and Renesmee,"

"Yes Madame Debois?"

"You need to replace the ribbon on your right shoe. It looks like it is going to fall apart soon."

"Yes ma'am." I walk through the door to see many of the girls changing into street clothing. The sound of plans for the weekend, date nights with boyfriends, shopping with friends, concerts, family plans, and just chatter of teenage girls flitters through the locker room as I walk slowly to my locker. I open my locker as Felicity comes over and sits on the bench by my locker while putting on her black converse. She had changed from the required black cap sleeved leotard, nude tights, and black wrap gauze skirt into a pair of denim shorts, a pink spaghetti strap tank, and a short sleeved light weight grey cardigan.

"You want to go out for dinner tonight Renesmee?" 

"My sister and her boyfriend are coming to check on me so I'll probably end up going out with them."

"Oh right because she's your guardian right?" I nod. "Seems weird that your 20 year old sister is your guardian."

"Well it was either that or go into foster care. Plus it's only until I am 18."

"Three years and your free," she jokes and I weakly smile. It feels weird to plaster a smile on my face, but I have to try to fit in. "How about tomorrow then? We can go shopping or something in the afternoon and then out to dinner."

"What about homework?"

"We have a weekend Renesmee. Tomorrow is only Saturday; we can do homework on Sunday. Relax a little; stressing can't be good for you."

"I guess that sounds ok then. Can we stop by Capezio? I need to get new ribbons."

"Sure. Then we'll go fun shopping afterwards." She flashed a smile at me before pulling her mid back length sandy blond colored hair out of her dancer bun and throwing it up into a high ponytail.

"Hey Felicity, Renesmee, Sarah and I are going to go see Black Swan at the movie theatre, you guys want to come?" Macy asked as I changed from my leotard into a black tube top dress that my Aunt Alice had sent me since I needed to look nicer since I was betting I would be going out with to a fancier restaurant with my mom and dad, or my sister and her boyfriend as I had told Felicity.

"Renesmee, you have plans with her sister, so you can't go right?" Felicity checked with me and I nod. Sarah looks at me and my dress as I gently put my shoes and leotard into my duffle bag before grabbing black flats from my locker to slip on my feet.

"OMG! That is one of the dresses from Dolce and Gabbana's fall line! It won't be released into stores for another three months! How did you get one?" She exclaims and a few girls stopped their own conversations to listen in.

"My sister's boyfriend is trying to win me over and his sister works for a fashion magazine so they get some of the newer pieces for shoots and she thought I might like this one since they don't have to return the clothing for the most part," I stretch the truth a little.

"You're so lucky Renesmee!"Laura says. "I wish I had your life. You are a great dancer, you get amazing clothing that not many people can get ahead of the release schedule, your life seems perfect." _Not really… if you knew the real story, you wouldn't think so .If it was perfect Jaco- _I stop my thoughts in their tracks as I grab my Louis Vuitton Speedy 30. I couldn't think about Him without breaking down to tears, and I didn't want that to happen in front of all my classmates. My iPhone goes off and I look to see a text from my mom saying that they were outside. I pull my hair out of its confinement and see that it is still mostly straight, as I can't stand my curls anymore, so I decide to leave it down.

"I have to get going, my sister's here."

"Bye Renesmee. I'll see you later." Felicity says as she, Sarah, and Macy leave to go towards the movie theatre.

"See you then," I say before seeing my parents waiting nearby. I walk over and give them both hugs and we all start to walk towards a restaurant near the school. As I sit and eat we talk about many different topics; except for the forbidden one, Him.

"So, how is dance?" My mom asks as she likes to keep up with everything I am doing.

"It's good. I got my pirouette down to five turns and Madame Debois was pleased." I take a bite of the chicken alfredo sitting in front of me.

"And school?" My dad asks since this is my first time going to a real school and not being home schooled by my family as I grew too fast to go to regular school.

"Good as well, all A's."

"That's great." My mom said smiling a little.

"Yeah I guess so."

"Are those girls you were talking to before you came over to us from your class?" I nod.

"And the blond in the grey cardigan and the denim shorts is my roommate Felicity."

"She is also in your ballet classes as well right?" I nod again.

"Does she know about him?" My dad asks, his voice angry because he is mad at Him.

"Edward, don't-"

"She knows I was in a relationship that ended badly, but other than that, no she doesn't." I switch off any thoughts that might have been going through my mind, not wanting to think of Him. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure Renesmee," My mom says before my dad can say anything. "You're still coming home for summer break right?"

"Yes, for the whole month." We only get a month break because then we are back for dance classes again.

"Good, everyone really misses you. Especially Esme." I smile weakly thinking of my family that I haven't seen since winter break.

"I can't wait to see them as well. What have you two been doing while I was gone since you aren't going to school?"

"Just the same sort of things we had been doing in the fall. Nothing much has changed. I finished decorating your new room with help from Esme; I think you're really going to like it."

"Thanks for doing that by the way."

"It was a lot of fun." She smiled at me.

"I really need to get back to school. I am getting up early tomorrow to get some practice in before going shopping with Felicity."

"You really are putting your all into ballet aren't you?" My mom asks.

"It's the only way to stop the pain." I whisper.

"I am going to kill him for what he did to you." My dad said.

"Don't! He's not even worth it." I say, dying a little inside. My mom leans over and gives me a hug.

"It will get better."

"I doubt it, but thanks anyway." I stand up and give them both hugs. "I should get going."

"I love you Renesmee." My mom says as she hugs me.

"I love you too Momma," I whisper. My dad gives me a hug. "I love you Daddy."

"I love you too Renesmee."He looked at me for a moment. "I hate that he hurt you."

"I know Daddy."I say before walking towards the door and back towards my dorm room.

**Author's note: I think this is the longest first chapter to any of my stories :) This is like an alternate universe version of my story Dance With Me Darling, but I think I like this one better, and I know where I want to go with this story I think :) I know that a few things may not be completely right because 1. I am not a dancer, if you couldn't guess and 2. I had to change some things so that I could make it fit for my story. The next chapter will explain more of what happened, I think. I have a livejournal, where I will post updates about this story as well as my other stories so my journal name is cookinggurl2013. **


	2. What's Holding Us Back

Renesmee's POV

"_You are my enemy. Why would I ever want to be with you?" His voice sent daggers through me. "You are a Cullen, a cold one. What could I ever had really seen in that. I wasted 7 years and now I know that you could never be what I want. Imprints are wrong I guess."_

"_Jake, please don't do this. You swore to me that this was right. Remember when you told me about imprints? You said that I was your perfect soul mate! What is going on? Why are you telling me that this is wrong?" My tears ran down my face, blurring my vision and him. _

"_What's going on is that I realized that I was lying to myself. I was in love with Bella and I thought you were my one chance at getting to be with her." I froze. "I then realized that by trying to be with you I was just lying to myself."_

"_So every time you told me I was perfect for you, every time you played with me because you wanted that big brother type role in my life, every time you told me you loved me, you were saying it to MY MOTHER in your mind? You are sick! How could you do that to me!" I could have sworn I saw his face change for one quick second._

"_How could I do that to you? Let's see I met my dream girl and then to have her taken from my enemy, but to have a chance to be with a version like her, even if it was only half of her, well I decided I wanted to try and have a chance of happiness." His face went from being angry to just being cold and relaxed. "Just go and don't come back Renesmee."_

"_Fine." I say before running to my car and with every move I died a little more inside._

I shoot up, my heart rocketing through my chest.

"Did I wake you?" Felicity's voice came from the doorway. "Sorry! I was trying to be quiet as you were already asleep."

"You didn't wake me; a nightmare did."

"You want to talk about it?" She said walking towards my bed.

"Not really."

"Did it have to do with that guy again?" I nod slowly. "They always seem to. He really did a number on you. You need to let him go so that you can date and be happy."

"I don't know if I can yet."

"It's been over a year right?"

"Yeah but we dated for almost 3 years."

"Can I ask something about your relationship?"

"Yes, but I don't know if I will know how to answer."

"Was he abusive?" She was trying to figure out what ever happened in our relationship, as I haven't told her much about what happened other than we dated for almost 3 years and that he ended it.

"No." I thought through all the times he had done cute things just for me, all the date nights, the kisses, how protective he always was of me. "He wanted the best for me I thought."

"Was he overly protective?"

"Sometimes yes, but-"

"That can be abusive! Trying to keep you from things and such." She interrupted me.

"What I was going to say was sometimes yes he was, but it was always for good reasons, even my parents agreed with him. Again, he only wanted the best for me. He and my mom were on pretty good terms; he knew my family and never kept me from them. In abusive relationships for the most part, the abuser tries to cut the other person off from their family."

"Oh. I guess I don't really know enough to judge, do I? Sorry."

"It's ok. We should probably get to sleep. What time is it?"

"A little after midnight. Are you sure you're ok though? You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Yes I am. I think sleep will help."

"If you're sure then, good night Renesmee."

"Night Felicity." I lay down and the next sound I hear is my alarm.

"SHUT IT OFF!" Felicity says from her side of the room. I turn it off and toss my covers off. "Why is your f-ing alarm going off at 7 am on a Saturday?"

"I need to get some practice in before we go shopping."

"You are already like number one in our class and yet you are going to go practice?" She mumbled in disbelief. "No wonder your ribbons are going out like ten times faster than mine."

"I'll see you later," I say before grabbing my dance bag that I had repacked last night. I walked quickly from our dorm to the dance room and found that it was unlocked, like every Saturday. I see that no one is in the room, as is expected I guess. Asking most teenagers to be up at 7:30 on a Saturday to practice ballet is not most teenagers' dream, even for Juilliard girls. I walk into the dressing room and change into the same type of outfit I wore to class yesterday with the addition of a blue wrap around sweater type jacket that cropped at my waist and pink leg warmers. I plugged in my iPod dock before switching on my ballet playlist. The music floated through the air as I stretched. I do many of the starting exercises that we had done in class before moving to the center of the room. I knew my turns were what needed work, whether or not the other girls in class thought I needed work. _There is no such thing as perfect, _I think to myself as I work through my pirouette for a little bit.

"_You'll never be perfect, and perfect is what I need."_ His voice floods my mind and I focus on my pirouette even more. _"Perfect half… that's what an imprint is"_ I change to fouettés, hoping that His voice will stop. _"What you'll never be"_.

"I CAN BE!" I shout as I turn. The human part of my body starts to shine through as it protests how hard I am pushing myself. "LET ME!" I scream, even though I know that it is stupid that I am talking to myself and the voice in my head. My legs give out and I crumple to the floor, crying the tears from my soul that I had pent up for so long. "Just let me…" I whisper to no one, but wishing he could hear me.

"**We'll never know, what it's like to be free****  
><strong>**How do you show, what can't but should be****  
><strong>**There's no explanation only what we cannot change****  
><strong>**so we'll leave, how we met****  
><strong>**with nothing the same"**

**-Holding Us Back by Katie Herzig**


	3. Better That We Break

Renesmee's POV

"Renesmee?" I hear a voice from the door call my name. I look up to see Elyse in the doorway. "Oh my goodness! Are you hurt?" She rushes over to me. "What happened?"

"I'm not physically hurt."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'd really not like to talk about it." I say wiping the tears away from my face. "What time is it?" I ask wondering how long I had been here.

"Almost 11. I was hoping you would be here though." I look at her a little bit curious on why she would say something like that. "I was wondering if you would be willing to watch me and give me some pointers. I mean you dance like perfectly- all the time. And I-I-I'm just like not really as good as you and some of the other girls. I'm not even really sure that I should be in this class, but I really want to be and I want to be en point and I just want to be good-" She rambled and I really wanted to stop her embarrassment.

"Sure."

"What?" She looked at me with a look of astonishment.

"I'll help you if you want."

"You really would?" I nod slowly.

"Get dressed and we can work for a while." She smiles brightly before running to the dressing room to quickly change. I look in the mirror while she is gone and see that my eyes were a bit red and my bun had come undone a little bit. I pull my bun out and run my fingers through it to get some of the tangles out of my curly hair, as I hadn't taken the time to straighten it.

"Your curls are really pretty. You should wear it naturally more often." Elyse's voice says and hearing those words make me flashback to one of the many days that He and I had sat around and He had talked about my hair.

*FLASHBACK*

_The sun shone down on us as we sat together looking over the top of the hill._

"_Everything looks so pretty from up here." I say softly as Jake plays with one of my many curls._

"_You do look pretty from up here." Jake said and I smile at him._

"_That's not quite what I said Jake."_

"_I know but you look pretty all the time, especially with your curls down and the sun hitting them at just the right angle."He leans down to kiss the top of my head._

"_You just like my curls, that's why you brought me up here isn't it?" I smile while jokingly pointing my words at him._

"_Oh, I like many things, your curls, the way you like my jokes, your smile; but I love you."_

_*FLASHBACK STOPS*_

I quickly pull my hair back into a bun. "Thanks, but I don't like them that much."

"I would love to have curls like yours. My hair is straight naturally and for the longest time I thought yours was too." Elyse said and I wish at this moment mine was.

"Let's get started. I don't know how long I can stay."

"Sure!" I move to the barre and we start with échappés, as she did need work on a lot of things. We practice for almost an hour before my iPhone goes off.

"Hello?" I say as I pick up, knowing that it would be Felicity.

"Hey, it's me. I think we should get going if we want to get some good shopping in, especially if we need to go get ribbons for you Miss I-like-to-pracitce-at-7-on-a-Saturday-morning."

"Yeah guess so Felicity. I see you soon."

"Ok." We hang up.

"You have to go?" Elyse asked. I nod and notice a little disappointment on her face.

"How about we meet tomorrow at maybe 10? We can get some more practice in then." Her face brightens up and she nods, smiling. "See you then."

"Thanks Renesmee. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye Elyse," I say before walking towards the door. I make the short trip back to our room, where I see Felicity sitting around on her bed already dressed and ready to go. "Hey, I'm going to change and then I'll be ready to go."

"You going to straighten your hair?"

"No I'll just leave it in the bun."

"I don't see why you don't like them." She said as I started to change. "Most girls would kill to have curls like yours. They are super pretty and totally manageable too."

"I just don't like them. I wish my hair was straight."

"You practice on a Saturday, you don't like the fact that you have hair to die for, and you are one of the most modest people I know… You're really something, that's for sure."

"Thanks…?"

"It's a compliment somehow," She shrugs and smiles. I change into a pair of denim shorts and a cream tank top before grabbing a navy cardigan and navy flip flops since the weather is warm, but still has a cold breeze every now and then. As we walk out the door the crowds of New York seem to just let us blend in with our surroundings. "I can't wait for summer break. My family is going to spend half of our break at my family's lake house."

"It's going to be weird not sharing a room with anyone though." I mention, trying to keep focused on acting like a full-human.

"You have your own room at home right?" I nod. "My sister and I share a room when we are at the lake house, so I was used to the idea when I got here, but it must have been kind of weird for you wasn't it?" I shrug.

"Sort of, but now I can't really imagine it any other way." We cross the busy streets as we make our way to Capezio. "I can't wait to spend some time with my sister though. I miss her a lot when I'm at school."

"You and her are close right?"

"She has been one of the most important things in my life since I was a baby. I know that she would be there for me in a second if I needed her, and she makes me feel safe."

"It's a good thing that she's your guardian then." I nod in agreement as we walk into Capezio. I pick up a couple pairs of ribbons and some thread before Felicity finds a new leotard that she wants to try on. We spend a little less than a half an hour there before paying and leaving. "Where do you want to go Renesmee?"

"I don't really care. Didn't you say something about wanting to see the new bags at Louis Vuitton?"

"Yeah, but I don't have the money for it anyway so why look at a store I know I can't afford. What about Forever 21 instead?"

"Sounds good to me." We walk towards the colorful store, ready to look at the clothing that, to be completely honest, would not be acceptable to Aunt Alice since they were not top designer brands. Felicity flew around the store once we were inside; reminding me of the aunt I hadn't seen since I left for school. She pulled out many things for both of us, the patterns ranging from floral to animal as well as stripes to polka dots.

"Oh my god! This is so you Renesmee!" She says excitedly as she holds out a gold and black sequined strapless leopard print dress to me, making me wonder how she thought it was a dress that I would wear, but I smile and take it anyway knowing that I would end up trying it on anyway. I tried it on and when it didn't look as bad on me as I thought it would I nodded when Felicity said, "Promise me you're going to buy that, it looks fabulous on you!" And I know that when I wear it at home in a month, Aunt Alice will kill me.


	4. Come Home

Renesmee's POV

When I walk out of the airport, the first thing I feel is my mom's arms around me. "I missed you."

"I missed you too Momma." I see my dad appear next to my mom a few seconds later. Since the rain was making most people race inside, no one noticed.

"Everyone is waiting for you at home, want to get going?" My mom asks after my dad gives me a hug.

"Sure." We walk to my dad's Volvo and put my couple suitcases in the trunk. During the drive home, we talk about the few things that have changed in New York since they last saw me. "What about here? Anything new?"

"Not really. Alice still tries to make me dress 'better' for school," She says with air parenthesis. "Rosalie tries to help with that in a way that won't drive me crazy. Emmet and Jasper are still betting with your dad over crazy things. And Carlisle and Esme are both going crazy with some of the things that Emmet and Jasper do for these bets." She smiles and I can only imagine some of the things. My dad chuckles at some of the ideas I come up with.

"You seem happier." My dad mentions and my mom nods.

"I'm trying to let myself be." I say and almost let my fake happiness slip, but grab my hold back on it real quickly. When I see our house coming around the corner, I feel a little real happiness slip in at the thought of seeing my full family for the first time in months. When we pull into the garage, I get out of the car slower than my parents do.

"Just leave the bags, we'll get them later." My mom says and we walk towards the door where I know my family will be waiting. When we walk through the door, I feel 6 pairs of eyes on me, looking at the changes that had happened since I left for school, mostly my hair. After the shock of my hair being straight and not curly, my grandmother's arms were the first to reach me.

"We missed you dear." She says smiling.

"I missed you all too." I say and give a small smile. I got hugs from everyone in my family, as well as questions about school, my new friends, and ballet class.

"Now that we have heard all about school and everything else, I have to ask," Aunt Alice starts to say and I worry about what she is going to ask. "What are you wearing?" I look down at the leopard print dress matched with a black blazer and black pumps and assorted jewelry.

"Clothing…?"

"What designers? Because that is not anything I sent you. Well apart from your necklace and ring." She raises an eyebrow. "That better not be cheap clothing."

"Forever 21," I say and shrug.

"FOREVER 21? I sent you a bunch of clothing and you go and buy cheap fabric that is called clothing? I knew sending you to New York was going to be good for your dancing, but I didn't think it was going to detrimental to your fashion sense!"

"My fashion sense was not hurt by me moving!" I say a little offended.

"True your outfit works, but it is not of proper, triple A clothing."

"Triple A?"

"Aunt Alice Approved!" She says, in a matter of fact voice. "I guess I am just going to have to redo your whole wardrobe to fix it!" She says before grabbing my hand. "You all can see Nessie later; I have a fashion emergency to fix!" I pull my hand away and she looks at me with hurt eyes.

"It's Renesmee, not Nessie." I say shuddering at His nickname.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know." She says, looking almost surprised by what I had said.

"It's ok, just please call me Renesmee now." I say looking at each of my family members and they all nod. Once Aunt Alice knew that I wasn't mad at her or anything, she pulls me towards my parent's house, yelling to my dad to bring my luggage as soon as possible. When we stepped into my room, I couldn't believe what my mom and Grandma Esme had done. It was beautiful. The dark wood flooring covered the floor except for the portion of my room that had a mirror and a barre, where the floor was the same as the dance studio at Julliard. My walls are a light cream color to make the dark wood furniture stand out even better. My dark blue sheets are on my bed, along with my blue and green striped comforter and my green and blue decorative pillows.

"You like?" She asks smiling, and all I can do is nod.

"It's wonderful!"

"They wanted to make it perfect for you." My aunt Rose says from my doorway. "It was Bella's idea to put the ballet corner in, since she said that ballet is your main focus, obviously."

"I love it."

"Will we get to see your new moves while you're home?" Aunt Alice asks.

"Most likely yes," I say looking at the dance corner once more, before I see that aunt Alice has moved to my closet pulling out dance clothing.

"Want to give it a go?" She says motioning toward my dance area.

"I would, but I need my ballet slippers and they're in my luggage."

"Which is right here," My dad says as he carries it in.

"Perfect timing; now you can try it out!" She says smiling. I change into a black leotard and nude tights and slip on my toe shoes and some leggings. I toss my iPhone to Aunt Rose.

"Can you put on my ballet playlist?" She nods, plugging my phone into my dock. The familiar music of my playlist fills my room as I step into the dance corner and picture being back at Julliard in the dance room. I dance like I normally do, and when I finish, my parents and my two aunts applaud. I smile as they all say things like how great I dance and how impressed they are. But in a moment of time their focus all moves to my window and I spin around to see what they are looking at. He is standing across from our house and for a moment all I can do is stare at the face that fills my dreams and my nightmares.

"Nessie," He says looking at me, with a little sadness, which surprised me.


	5. What If I Told You

Renesmee's POV

"I'm going to kill him!" My dad says and starts to move towards the door.

"Dad, please don't!" I say running after him, after I toss off my toe shoes.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Dad yells at Jacob, and I can barely look at him without the tears running to my eyes. "DO YOU JUST WANT TO KILL HER EVEN MORE? ALL YOU'VE DONE IS HURT HER AND NOW YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN COME BACK HERE!"

"Dad, just let him go. I don't want to see him anymore. He doesn't even think of me as anything other than his second chance at being in love with a half-version of Momma." I say and I can't look at Jacob, since I know the tears will be showing up soon.

"Nessie-" Jacob tried to get my attention.

"JUST. LEAVE. HER. ALONE." My dad says through clenched teeth, my mom holding on to his arm, trying to keep him from hurting Jacob, because she knows that if he does it will hurt me.

"I lied." He said ignoring my dad, and my eyes shoot up to look at him.

"Don't do this to me! You may think it's a joke, trying to make me think that you lied just so that I will come back to you so you can have your chance with mini-Bella once more, but I won't go through with it anymore. I get it, you made yourself clear. You could never love me, I get it. Just don't lie and give me false hope." I say as the tears spill over. "I can't do this. Not again." I turn about to leave, when warm arms grab me.

"I'm not lying to you like I did over a year ago. Nessie, I didn't mean a word I said the last time we spoke."

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop." I say as calmly as I can, not wanting him to say the things that he had told me a million times in my dreams since he broke me. "I can't deal with the pain again. I just got back to being ok with living without you. I finally got over the fact that you never really loved me other than because of my mom, so don't give me fake hope." I try to pull my arms away from him, but he holds me tighter.

"I. Lied." He said trying to prove a point. My breath speeds up along with my tears.

"Don't say it. I can't deal with it!" I say tears streaming down my face.

"Take your hands off of her dog, and leave." Aunt Rose says from behind my parents.

"Nessie, I know you don't believe me right now, and you may not ever believe me, but I had to let you know that I lied." I couldn't even make myself look at him, it hurt too badly. It had taken me a year to start to feel alright again, to feel that I could make it through the pain and feel ok living. It had taken me a year of reminding myself that I wasn't worth it to him, and now he wants to tell me that he lied? My heart had gone through a shredder and I had to take glue and slowly piece it back together. I had found a new thing to love, and that would let me live semi-happily, and that was ballet. I couldn't let myself believe him, because glue can only work so many times before you can't fix something. If I even let myself believe for a second that he had lied, there would be no turning back when he hurts me again. My heart wouldn't be able to survive the hell that it had already gone through once if it had to do it again. "Nessie, I love you and I never should have said otherwise. I just had to tell you." He said before letting me go. I stood there for a moment trying to keep myself from losing all control. But instead of being able to calm down, my tears flow stronger and my legs don't let me stay standing as I sink to the ground and wrap my arms around my legs, the pain ripping my heart apart. My mom is by my side in a moment and she wraps an arm around me in support.

"Please. Just leave me alone." I say crying, needing to be in pain by myself. She takes her arm away and walks slowly to where my dad is.

"You see what you did to her? You hurt her, and I will never forgive you for that." My dad says to Jacob. "If killing you wouldn't hurt Renesmee, then you would be dead right now-"

"Why?" I look at Jacob and he knows I'm not talking to my dad. "Why did you say it, if it is a lie?"

"Because I wanted you to get your chance. You told me that one of your reasons that was making you think of saying no to Julliard was me. I didn't want to keep you from getting your chance at getting the best you can. I knew that if you thought I didn't love you, you would go and then I wouldn't be holding you back." I look into his eyes and they look truthful, but how can I trust him at all anymore? "If I had known any other way to get you to take the chance, I would have."

"You mean like, I don't know, telling her that she should go for it instead of hurting her?" Aunt Rose says threading her sentence with anger. Jacob ignored her and walked to where I was once more.

"I am so sorry Nessie; I never wanted to hurt you, I swear."

"But you did hurt me, and now I'm all glued back together and you want to break me again?" I say with tears running down my cheeks. I look into his dark brown eyes. "I can't let my heart be ripped out and torn apart again." He cups my face in his hands and wipes a tear from my check.

"I'm so sorry Ness; I just want the best for you." He looks into my eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know if that's going to be enough." I say, still hurting.

"I understand if it's not. I just wanted you to know the truth. I just hope one day you will know that I am telling you the truth right now when I say I love you for you and that I didn't mean anything I said that day. I'm sorry."

"It's not enough. I have to guard my heart from being hurt again. I don't have enough glue to fix the pieces that will be rebroken if I believe you."

"Then I'll leave you alone, I just wanted you to know," he says before getting up and leaving. And I wrap my arms tighter around my legs as I cry some more.


End file.
